10 Things New Moms Hear Too Often: How Kindness Can Make All the Difference
Hey E-Mummy’s. Motherhood is one of the most profound journeys a woman can experience. The early days after birth are filled with deep joy, overwhelming adjustments, sleepless nights, and moments of doubt. A new mom is navigating physical healing, emotional changes, and the pressure to “do everything right” while still trying to bond with her baby. During this vulnerable season, the words people speak to her matter more than most realize.
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Many comments said to new moms come from a place of good intention but even well-meaning remarks can feel insensitive, judgmental, or discouraging. As a supportive community, we must approach new mothers with compassion, understanding, and empathy. Here are 10 things you should never say to a new mom, why they can be harmful, and what to say instead.
“You look tired.”
Of course she does she’s caring for a newborn around the clock. Highlighting her exhaustion only reminds her of how drained she feels.
Try instead: “You’re doing an amazing job. How can I support you today?” This affirms her effort rather than her appearance.
“Should you really be doing that?”
Whether it’s her feeding choices, how she holds the baby, or her sleep routines, unsolicited advice can feel like criticism. Every mother is learning, and every baby is different.
Better approach: “If you ever need help or want ideas, I’m here.”
“My baby never cried that much.”
Comparison steals confidence. Comments like this make a new mother feel as if her baby or her parenting is the problem.
Focus on reassurance instead of comparison. Babies cry. It’s normal.
“You’re still not back to your old self?”
Postpartum recovery takes time physically, mentally, and emotionally. Pressuring a new mom to “bounce back” ignores the reality of healing.
More thoughtful alternative: “Be gentle with yourself. You’re growing into a new version of you.”
“Are you sure you should be eating that?”
New moms already have enough body-image pressure and nutritional guidance to juggle. Policing her food can increase stress.
“Your baby looks too big/small.”
Comments about a baby’s weight or size can trigger unnecessary worry. Growth varies widely, and healthcare providers are there to monitor it. Compliment her care instead of her baby’s measurements.
“You’re doing it wrong.”
Nothing shuts down a mother’s confidence faster. Parenting isn’t a formula it’s an evolving journey.
Try: offering support only when invited, and always with kindness.
Also read: Embracing the Heart of Modern Parenting
“Enjoy every moment.”
This phrase may be meant as encouragement, but it can feel dismissive. Not every moment is enjoyable and that doesn’t make a mother ungrateful.
Better to say: “There are tough days and beautiful days. You’re doing great through all of it.”
“When are you having the next one?”
Many new moms are physically healing, emotionally adjusting, or dealing with financial or relationship stress. Some may be navigating postpartum anxiety or fertility challenges. This question can unintentionally cause pain.
Skip it unless she brings it up herself.
“I did it this way, and it worked fine.”
While experience can be helpful, presenting it as the only correct method can feel dismissive.
Try instead: “If you ever want to hear what worked for me, I’m happy to share but you know your baby best.”
Why Our Words Matter
A new mother is not just adjusting to caring for a baby she’s navigating identity shifts, hormonal changes, sleep deprivation, and often a silent pressure to appear strong. The smallest comments can either lift her up or weigh her down. When we speak with empathy, we help promote positive mental health, stronger parent-child bonding, and a more supportive community.
By choosing kindness, we create a world where new moms feel safe, encouraged, and valued. And that truly matters.
